IAAPA Havoc June 1, 1999
Volume 3, Number 4
Contributions were down. Comments were down. The dust
gathered in EK's
mailbox. The membership had sent a silent message:
"We don' need no steenking
IAAPA Havoc
Tough. You got it.
Notes From the Front
In two separate games Immelman attacked Karelia
with a total of 9 German
aircraft......and lost 6 of them to AA fire.
This inspired Immelman and
his best friend, Serpent, to compose the following:
On a bitterly cold day of March 1943, in a little town named
Gattchina
(20 miles south-west of Leningrad), Sergeant Nickolai Koliev was
lying
in his bed remembering an equally frosty day not so long ago...
It was November 1941 in Kiev, and at the time Corporal Koliev
had a
very promising future in the Russian military, as well as a very
beautiful young mistress. But all that started to change with the
German
bombardments
of his beloved country. Trapped at the front defending Mother Russia
for
his wife, mistress, and above all the large deposits of vodka...
he came
back to find his hometown turned into ash. Everyone, and everything
he
ever
held dear was annihilated due to the relentless carpet bombing of
the
hunk of junk formally known as Kiev. Receiving the orders to retreat,
he
left carrying only bitterness and sorrow. Little did he know that
things
would only get worse...
As the once powerful Russian army was fleeing before the German
onslaught, going from devastated towns to ruined countryside's,
the
destiny of this poor soul came to pass. On a bitter cloudy day as
Nickolai was marching towards the safety of Moscow, he heard a distant
rumble in the skies above. Before even realizing what was happening,
his
unit was under fierce enemy fire dealt with deadly precision by
two
enemy Krauts. Terrified by these monstrous killing machines, our
brave
soldier dashes towards the merciful cover of a rusty old burned
out
tank. Five yards from his salvation he falls to the snowy ground
below.
Cursing his own feet for deserting him in his time of need, he realizes
that the snow around him is red with his own blood. As he crawls
towards
the coveted safety of the tank, he sees his assailants on the edge
of
the horizon and recognizes the shapes of the hated Folkers. Only
after
having treated his wound, does he realize the devastation dealt
by his
tormentors. Reaching his comrades, he
realizes that his entire unit lies dead, and that his commander's
head
is missing. He also notices, with great pain and anguish, that his
canteen is pierced thus all of his precious elixir is poured out
on the
snow. Driven over the edge of despair by this overwhelming loss
(also,
in a lesser degree, by the loss of blood) he passes out.
Feeling drowsy and light headed, he wakes up to find himself
in a
hospital. Soon after his awakening, he is visited by an overworked
doctor who informs him that his wounded leg will never recover
completely. At best
he will regain only 75% of his mobility. During the grueling months
of
therapy, his mind constantly wanders to that horrible day. Raging
from
the senseless loss of all that vodka (and in a lessor degree, the
loss
of his
comrades) he vows that one day he will have his revenge. Because
of his
permanent disability, the newly promoted sergeant Koliev is put
out to
pasture as the commander of an Anti-Aircraft unit in the town of
Gattchina.
Suddenly, Nickolai is jolted out of his reverie by a young
panicking
private who hands him a dispatch. Reading quickly he sees that a
large
German task force, comprised of many different fighters and bombers,
is
making its way towards Leningrad. He is advised to ready all weapons
and
prepare to defend Mother Russia. Sensing that God has finally provided
him with the opportunity to strike back at his faceless enemies,
Nickolai is filled with a sense of peace as he prepares for his
long
awaited revenge.
With a eerie smile, Koliev hands the dispatch back to the waiting
private, and issues the order that all batteries be manned, and
the dog
sleds be readied. ** Note from the writers: For those of you who
do not
know what we mean by the dog sleds, we will explain. During WW2
each AA
unit had several jeeps, kept for the sole purpose of gathering fallen
pilots, so that they may be captured and debriefed. Being March,
all of
Russia is frozen solid... thus dog sleds, instead of jeeps, are
used. **
The oncoming German task force, unaware of its fate, suddenly
finds
itself at the mercy of the Russian artillery. Having expected to
deal
thunderous death from above the pilots are shocked, and confused
to be
on the receiving end of well placed and lethal flack. Russian shells
fill the skies with fire and mayhem, while black smoke trails from
behind the many damaged airplanes as they plummet towards the ground.
As
the smoke clears from the now blackened skies, the few fortunate
pilots
who still have control of their airplanes head towards the safety
of
their German bases.
A loud battle cry is heard above the fading roaring of the
guns. To
everyone's surprise, the sound is originating from inside the Russian
camp. Nickolai, already on a dog sled, is hurtling towards
the
smoldering wrecks that used to be airplanes. To his great delight
he
does not see many parachutes heading towards the ground, and so
is
greatly satisfied by the results of the battle.
From that day forth, no German planes have ever passed over
that area
again...
Immelman
Serpent
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Game 5921
Axis: RedDwarf
Allies: Blackwatch
The allied player performed several highly damaging SBR's upon Germany;
so many in fact, that the players began to call the Riechstag the
Reichs
crater. It must have filled with water because it became the Reichspond.
Finally Germany shot down an Allied Bomber. The players' comments:
A flock of gray ducks, wearing little footbands with Iron Crosses
emblazoned on them, rises up en masse from the Reichspond on hearing
the
approaching Lancaster and hurls itself through the windscreen.
----------------
Hitler places the Knights Cross, the highest German award for bravery,
around the surviving Squadron Leaders neck. The brave commander
who had
so recently been responsible for destroying a RAF bomber raid turns
to
the cheering masses and raises his feathered wing in a proud nazi
salute. SEIG HEIL SEIG HEIL SEIG HEIL his cute cartoonish voice
resonates around the amphitheatre and the mesmerised masses respond
in
kind, basting him in their adoration.
From a recent letter written by the Minister of Law:
...After trying to figure out a good way to word it to cover
any
possible
combination of attacking units and possible results, I pulled out
so
much
hair that I began to resemble Highcmmdr. This scared me so
much that I
conceived a short, sweet, and simple alternative, something like:...
EK: Hmmmm. I must've only seen him when
he's wearing his rug. :)
Knight Muse
A recent phenomenom has come to the Knight's attention ~ and when
that
happens there's little chance that it will not be brought to the
attention of IAAPA Havoc's readership. It seems that some
players have
been having trouble in getting GMs for their email games.
Some GMs were
courteous enough to write back with excuses for their inability
to
perform their duties, while others simply ignored any emails sent
to
them by the players.
GMing is a duty which is assigned only to players who have played
games
which utilized a GM. Once you play two games with a GM in
control of
those games, your name is added to a roster of future GMs.
If you only
play GMless or live games, your name never makes it onto that roster.
This is a pretty fair system, since only those who desire to use
a GM
for their games are required to return that favor to other players.
The worst example the Knight heard was of two players who were forced
to
request at least FIVE new GMs from the IAAPA website before they
found
one able to perform his duties. This is ridiculous, and there
is
absolutely no excuse for those individuals who were derelict in
their
duties. If you don't want to be a GM, or if there is some
reason that
you cannot perform your duties as a GM, then you should not expect
other
Association members to do the same for you in your games.
Period.
On the other hand, there are some GMs out there who really enjoy
the
job, and who are very good at doing GM work. These are the
individuals
who are needed to GM the most important games of all ~ the rookie
game.
When a new member joins IAAPA his first impression of the Association
is
formed most strongly during his first game. If he has a GM
who doesn't
care about the job, or who doesn't know HOW to be a good GM, the
rookie
loses interest in the game.....or worse, learns bad habits from
that bad
GM.
If you think you have the right stuff, if you can help introduce
new
players to IAAPA and teach them the procedures of playing by email,
AND
show them how a good GM performs, then go to the Members Services
link
on the website and volunteer to GM rookie games. If you don't
give two
figs about GMing, or IAAPA, or new members, then don't bother.
And
please, learn how to play GMless or live. If you can't participate
in
the GM pool, then don't draw from it either.
E.K.
Knight Mail
The last log I did took over an hour to do, and it wasn't worth the
time. I
am leaving the club because of this requirement.
~ AARommel
EK: You could use my method of avoiding
this requirement. Lose every
game.
Just bought the board game. I am extremely motivated by the story
line.
Rules seem way to confusing. Any suggestions???
~ Dmariner77
EK: Yes. Throw it into a trashcan
and join a cult. QUICK!
Uh, the way you write this [Knight Muse, IH #3] makes it sound like
you
are referring to moi. (The caps and use of the " "). I know
this is a
coincidence. Still, I do think that others may not know these facts
and
truly believe that I am the guy in question...
~TopDog
EK: Nah. It wasn't about you.
You've never played the Knight. Or
have you? If you have, and you won,
then you have joined an extremely
large crowd, my friend.
I see chivalry is not dead. A Knight who warns his prey before
battle.
I salute you.
Will thoust be in Fredericksburg to do battle? If so, I will
reserve a
joust for thee.
Loved your web page. The Knight was Excellent!
~ Rewstr
EK: Hmmmmm. Fredericksburg?
Was I there? Let me check my organizer.
I seem to remember a guy with a red moustache,
hunched over a board,
across the table from me. No, wait.
That was in Louisiana. Or was it
Las Vegas? All I remember is that I
was defeated....once again.
Recon Squad
Do you have an interesting or humorous A&A story? Is there
something
that makes your blood pressure skyrocket and your face turn purple?
Would you enjoy sharing/warning other IAAPA members? The IAAPA
Havoc
has a severe shortage of intelligence and desperately needs
reconnaissance volunteers. Contributions will be accredited
to either
your email address, or preferably your Association Alias.
All
intelligence reports should be forwarded thru channels to the S-3
Officer at: havoc@axisandallies.net
The KnightSite is fully functional and all the links even work!
However, it isn't complete, because I have so much trouble putting
my
ideas into words. There ARE some great pics of Errant Knight
though...
Check out the KnightSite at:
http://www.geocities.com/errant_knight_2000/
Errant Knight
IAAPA Havoc Contributors:
Immelman
RedDwarf
JohnPin569