~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~THE HAVOCEUR~~ Volume 1 Number 2 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... ** *** ** Yup. It's Wartime! Hail, Fellow Provoceurs! Time again for Havoc to wreak free. ** *** ** Let's get right to it. Hot (and I do mean hot) off the press is our: GAME OF THE MONTH As war rages around the LORD PEZ in 1406, a force... seemingly independent, mayhaps even *against*, his will... appears to have seized control of his Axis forces... Hmmm. Judge for yourself. >>>>CandyMan Acts<<<< "Yes Hitler I must go east for a short time,"... Before ascending the steps of his plane, CandyMan -- looking directly at Hitler -- gives Hitler's mistress Eva Braun a loooong kiss, then calls out final instructions, "Execute Goring. Without him the Luftwaffe may show a little more motivation." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ And that, dear reader, is just for openers! Okaayy... so this, uh, *is* another game in which your loveable ~Q~ is engaged. I continue defying you to find one with more... ::spiraling hand in the air:: ...Panache. Or.... haha!... Beat it, and we'll showcase *you* next month! But I digress... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let's get rolling with some of the BEST EXCUSES: SWFlood finds reason enough to initiate a War in 1379 with: "Stalin got up grumpy this morning and decided to attack Germany, Then he woke up the other 6 dwarfs." ~ ~ ~ :) ...Then there are the sensitive GM's who would prefer to use surrogates for their dastardly dicerolling duties, like commreal@ in game 1386: "*sorry about the rolls, a friend of mine is over for the weekend and as you can see... his dice stink :-( " brought *his* dice, did he? :) ...or DEisenhwr in 1269: "Tonight's War: Rolling for the Allies: Mitch Rolling for the Axis: The beautiful & talented Julie" ~ ~ ~ Did she do well, Dwight? You might consider bringing her to Vegas, for the upcoming ~WAR IN THE DESERT~! <---subliminal promotional material While you're battling for your honor with the bloodthirsty A&Aers, you could turn lovely Julie loose on the Vegas crap tables and win beaucoups IPCs! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ But enough about money, and more about SEX IN THE FOLDERS: Yes! The perennial fave, Mz.Braun is again employed nimbly by PFC JMeyer in 1234 where he Sallys Forth with: "I tried to consult Hitler, but he was busy courting Eva. So I am on my own. (Working long hours has not helped much either)..." and then there's SWFlood's GMing commentary in #1232: "Jap ammo factory hit with extensive damage to "girls of the evening" housed near by. Jap's will to fight reaches a new low." * * * ::sniffle:: how *can* they go on?? *** **** *** also, Not to be outdone by his rambunctious players, GM Exraordinarre, jkeip@ in the aforementioned, steamy Pezzer game 1406 announces: "Battle of Afrika is over! Such a long wait for such a brief (but sweaty) bout. Reminiscent of another segment of my life, but THAT is another story };-). ::GOD I LOVE self depricating humor!!!::: ~ ~ ~ Haha!!! I can't thank you enough, Jeff "LadyKiller" Keip, for that tiddlybit of insight... AT'll learn'ya to call ME a "Vagrunt puppet".... ::while thumbing nose at jk, q's torso suddenly goes limp:: Hey! what's this?? ...You!!... You up there in the rafters!!! It's not lunchtime yet!!! Get back here! I'm still a'dancin'!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ...Ahem... Where was I now?? Ah. MUSIC TO PLAY A&A BY: Everyone knows our favorite tunes are used extensively for Battle Inspiration... In 1136, the GM, DavidACamp employs "streets with no name" for strength to roll heartless dice. In 1350, the GM, gap@, croons soulfully, "Dust, in the wind, all there is is dust in the wind..." when an Indian SZ battle leaves Nothing But. Still, the most havoc, musically speaking, is raised by MCarter356 in 1362 when: ****Germany launches psychological warfare program!!! Thousands of "How to Macarena" tapes dropped on enemy,"If this dosent utterly crush their will to live, nothing can" Hitler was quoted as saying at recent Benny Hinn tent revival**** ** *** ** ::shudder:: Remain strong, men... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On to NOTEABLE NAMES: A few are. :) Of course, the neophyte, MastrHavoc has the *best* taste in monikers... }:D And I hear tell that our esteemed Minister of War, Todd Vomit was delighted and relieved to see the even more colorfully descriptive PoopieMan ::eewwwww:: join our ranks and supplant TV's longstanding claim to the greatest in Names For The Least Squeamish. Welcome, fellow Vegas PoopieDoo! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug... A&A MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH: Folks, this is the obligatory announcement, where we are advised to warn you of the dangers of playing too much A&A... *:\ It is still too early to conclude, but statistics seem to show that Delusions... particularly of Grandeur are not uncommon among the seriously addicted. Case in point: "If you surrender now it will save your citizens a lot of worry. We did a poll of the average German citizen and 9 out of 10 said they were haveing gastrolintestional trouble because of the inpending doom of Soviet invasion." TigerCMD gave this ultimatum at the beginning of Russia's Turn 1. *:D ** *** ** Merely GMing games does not even offer immunity... Steve405 makes this claim in his game's Folder Heading: #1355 Old84Zach vs Duleh Duleh will play the axis, Old84Zack will play the allies. Steve405 is the Awesome GM ** *** ** Totally. But by far, the extreme dangers are illustrated most poignantly by our very own master of Ceremonies, HOCYGOALY, when he writes: "I went to a psychiatrist the other day, not that I really need it, but some friends wanted me to go, so I went because they asked me. The doctor said, "Just start at the beginning." I said, "OK, in the beginning I created the heavens and the earth."" ** *** ** Laugh not, Ye Of Little Solemnity. You could be next. }:[ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PROFILE QUOTES: Ah, the Life Glorious Of WarriOrness... SonicMoose: Happiness is a warm gun. HseHarmon: Let it be or Make it so - which are you? DavRutley: Live Fast, Die Young, and Have a Good Looking Corpse. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GAMEMASTER AWARD: Goes to 1442's own frothy FROSTY0035. Who can resist a GM who sets the tone for your game with the following: ** *** ** "WAR INTENSIFIES The ongoing global conflict was given new direction today with the appointment of new commanders on both sides. JulesC2nd (the Merciless) was given command of the Axis forces with the following reinforcements reportedly rushed to the front... ...The newly placed supreme commander of all Allied forces, Cookage the Courageous, was confident his Armies would make rapid gains against the Axis hordes, regardless of the additional forces placed in the front lines!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There are, as we know, always ODDITES OF WAR: Still, but a few didst I see on my wanderings of late. It was a tie for Low Bid of the Month... by NY963605@ in 1460 and stmach@ in 1459 who must be really bad dudes, given their brazen bids of ZERO. Gulk. Brave souls. And another thing one does not see often.... ever(?)... was peformed by RobP101 who in 1286's J6, builds an IC... in Brazil! Hey, are they doin' the Macarena down there while they work, RobbiePea? :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And lastly, we offer the PROPAGANDA AWARD: to MCarter356 for his delectable statement from 1362: *****The leadership of the Reich is concerned about the massed Soviet armies to the north... Hitler was quoted as saying, "Perhaps if I grow a gote' I will look more menacing and evil," at a local Luftwaffle bake sale.***** "Luftwaffle?" ::GM falls off chair laughing:: But of course. What else would Goering eat? -L PEZ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *:D I dunno... maybee... chocolate covered swastikas? Hahah! Cause y'all know what Daaay it is... and I just KNOW you've already told everyone to.... @@@ @@@ @@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@BE@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@MINE@@@ @@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@ or... Yours. *:) Well, you get the picture! ** ** ** ** ** ** And so, I bid you my fondest adieu. * * * ~Q~