Although the sun may beat down upon us here in the midst of the summer, countless battles continue to be fought in the bedrooms and computer rooms across the world. And here we pause, once again to examine the peculiar, strange, humorous, witty, and intelligent. It's time again, for: -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------~~~The Havoc~~~---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- Oh, there is so little to do and so much time, or perhaps the other way around. Before we truly begin, I must pause to answer a member question. Mr. Kayveydog, in game #4576, poses: "for umm.. what was our club anagram again? sheesh.. justasec..." It is IAAPA, the International Axis and Allies Players Association. Which, by the way, will have a completely new web page up and running within the month at: www.axisandallies.net One celebrity siting this month, comes from game #4219. A rather pudgy cartoon character has taken over the GMing duties from DoktaDoom. "Weapons Development......(5) doh!" ah, close but no cigar, to use another rather inane platitude. One from the bad dice file: D: 666 5 ::ouch:: The number of the beast. Not a good omen for a 1st roll. First roll of the game for BrassTacs in #4376. GM EnemyThine Another comment from that first turn of the United States. "What? Are we in a war or something?" #4219 Why, yes, we are, I would think he would have realized that, considering the name, Guns4all Also from Kayveydog, in game #4281, an example of bad grammar: "objctvst1 should send the CCCP at soonest convience No comment accept that if I was a high school English teacher, I would be thoroughly dismayed. And now on to more better :) pieces from those AOL boards. The cheap one- liner section has come to a close. In April of this year I had the distinct pleasure of playing a game against a very talented man by the name of bx095@ in the first round of the Spring open. Although I lost, I am constantly impressed with his skill for making every turn intro as interesting as possible (unlike this newsletter, I'm sure you're saying), so I give you, the Knave of Narrative, a veritable Prince of Prose First, an excerpt from our rather fateful and famous game #3798 "The Emperor chuckles to himself as he emerges from his bath. "Let Germany draw all the attention and glory", he thinks, "while I quietly soak up country after country in Asia like this towel absorbing drops of water off my skin." and another, a bit longer, from the Oracle of Observation describing a rather dramatic campaign. "The smoke finally clears over Western Russia as two forces, neither native to this embattled land, cried havoc and let loose the dogs of war. Their armies could only see the enemy blocking the way to glorious victory and were blind to the once beautiful land on which they stood. A thunderous roar and the last cries of hundreds of dying men announced their meeting and beckoned Ares to lay waste to all he might survey. Now, too late, ghosts of the fallen hover over the scorched countryside bemoaning the futility of their loss. Only the skeletons of the Japanese soldiers hold vigil over their decimated and empty Caucasus while the Pyrrhic victors welcome home the battle's sole survivor, a British fighter, its pilot alive but scarred almost beyond recognition by the horrors he witnessed and for his own part committed." bx095@ #3926 Ok, on to two distinct exchanges brought to my attention by other members. First, from game #3648 micwil@ vs. binkster@, an interesting situation. "It seems the UK built a transport last night right in Yokohama! Sitting right there next to The Jap Fleet! Ballsy bastards. Those two plastic piece colors are too alike... I don't want to scare anyone but (don't look now) there is a huge rubber carp occupying most of Africa here at the binkster house. Now the UK and Japan will have quite a bit more to worry about. We can thank the female half of the household for this sudden and distressing development..." binkster@ A Giant Carp!! What will this mean?? "Tojo's math skills are the first indication of weakness from the Empire of the Rising Sun. This, combined with reports of a powerful equalizing force in Africa have given the Allies a much-needed boost for morale. Efforts are underway to roll the immense carp off of the African continent, using its body to shield Allied troops as they advance up through the Middle East to join the valiant Russian forces." micwil@ response Oh, that is truly classic. Another aspect of this game that deserves mentioning is the truly unique method both players used to communicate an IPC update mistake. "Tojo may have a few tactical and strategic notions, but he can't count. After that last round, Japan has IPC's totalling 49, not 44." binkster@ and Micwil, not wishing to be outdone, "Finally, despite the intense efforts of German Minister of Propaganda Goebbels, their industrial capacity has been confirmed at 17 as opposed to the 25 stated by Hitler in recent speeches." And finally, we go not to the archive lists of games on the AOL folders, but across the way to the Club News and Discussion boards. For those of you gallant netters willing to learn a long E-mail address, here is a summary of one of the more exciting discussions recently. For you AOLers, check it out yourself in the "Bid Discussion" folder. The rather comical debate took place in a live game between Cid Devlin and Kayveydog, in which Mr. Kayveydog forgot to buy the obvious 8 INF on Russia #1. He later remembered it during the turn, but Mr. Devlin would not allow them to be placed. A rather heated discussion followed, highlighted by some comical speeches. Responding to Cid Devlin's initial accusation that Kayveydog was a chicken and a loser, or whatever, for not finishing the game, Yuugal replies, "To me, not allowing my opponent to place his automatic 8inf russia buy on turn1 would be the kind of cheese even the French wouldn't touch and they make some stinky(although tasty) cheese." Oh, will the cheesy French insults never cease. Kayveydog then made his formal refute, a rather interesting document using the word "freak" or any derivation of it 37 Times!! along with a few other passages not to grace the pages of this publication. The logical solution was brought up and eloquently expressed by the venerable Bozorq, and officially responded to by the illustrious Minister of Members, MDSoze, who also has predilection toward alliteration. However, the bantering continued for another 49 posts, and so we must show you the highlights. First, in some unofficial thoughts, MDSoze announced, "If we were playing face to face, and you wouldn't let me purchase units cause I forgot to announce it, I might just hit you" To which, Cid Devlin replied, "LOL that would be a mistake on your part MDSoze ... I have no ideal(::Another English teacher rolls over in their grave::) what kind of man you are but all I know is that I'm 6'2" 190 pounds and I work out. So please lets not pertend that you'll hurt me ok ..." Them is fightin' words!! In about the 35th post, Mr. AlxndrSvrs injects: "Really, is all this necessary?" Well, I don't really know, but it sure does make great material. And then, an unknowing sponsor for the club government, CPullin, remarked: "Makes me have even more respect for those club officials who dedicate their time and energies to the membership and then have to deal with some of this nonsense. IT'S JUST A GAME!" Thanks, CP, that's appreciated. Now make sure that you vote for Jonhog when the senatorial elections come up. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the news from our cyberfront. One more tidbit before I go. This comment truly wins the Most Gorry Award, if there ever is one. "Attack: BMB(3*) blub blub. Lots of little limey boys dying in a deep, watery grave" Now, I'm sure you're thinking, that's not too gross, well, perhaps not, but I sure am shaken by the participants in this, game #4219: We have "TheCorpse" playing against "Guns4all" while "DoktaDoom" is GMing. Rather creepy crowd if you ask me. I therefore have no choice but to bestow the honor of Name of The Month to, TheCorpse. Truly, I wonder who he is in real life. Just in case you were all surprised that there was no Name of the Month in last month's Havoc(like you really noticed), I'm sorry. So, in light of recent sporting events, especially up here in the Seattle/Tacoma area, Co-Name of the Month honors also go to a very famous man, RJohnson Go out and see Saving Private Ryan ,best WWII movie ever made, in fact, I'm listening to the soundtrack now. And remember, yours truly does not attempt to fix the grammar or spelling of direct quotes. Knight Errant "Assist and Amuse", {>> Jon <<}